The Power of Words: A Simple Reminder to Choose Kindness

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

We grew up hearing that saying.

But the older I get, the more I realize how absolutely untrue this is.

The power of words is real. Words can hurt, encourage, discourage, comfort, embarrass, heal, and sometimes remain with us long after the person who spoke them has forgotten they ever said them.

A physical wound may eventually heal, but there are words spoken to us years ago that somehow still know exactly where to find us.

And then there are other words.

Words that encourage.

Words that comfort.

Words that remind you that somebody sees you.

Words that arrive on an ordinary day and somehow make the load you are carrying feel just a little lighter.

That is the power of words.

A Simple Interaction That Stayed With Me

On Friday morning, on my way to work, I stopped for gas.

No one at that gas station could have known it had already been a particularly heavy week for me.

Grief comes in waves, and that week the mornings had been especially difficult. There had been tears, plenty of them, and that Friday morning I was very much in my own head and in my feelings.

I wasn’t upset with anyone around me. I wasn’t causing a scene. I wasn’t even having a particularly bad interaction.

I was simply trying to get myself together and get on with my day.

I pulled up to the pump, greeted the attendant, asked whether their card machine was available and, when she told me it wasn’t, handed her cash for my gas.

Then I sat quietly in my car, listening to a podcast and rummaging through my bag while I waited.

The podcast was actually part of me trying to shift my mindset for the day, to listen to something positive, gather myself and move forward.

Nothing dramatic was happening.

Just me, sitting in my car, trying to navigate an ordinary Friday morning while carrying something that nobody around me could see.

Then I heard a man nearby say:

“You can still go home, you know.”

I looked over.

He was looking directly at me.

“You can still go home. It’s Friday. You can still go home.”

I gave him a little smirk, but something about those words landed wrong.

Now, if you are reading this and thinking, But what was so bad about that? That is actually part of the point.

On another Friday, in another frame of mind, perhaps I would have laughed.

Maybe I would have brushed it off immediately.

Maybe I would have even joked back.

But that morning, after the kind of week I had been having, it felt dismissive.

It landed as though someone who knew absolutely nothing about me had taken one look in my direction and decided, You don’t look like you’re ready to be out here today. Go home.

Was that what he meant?

Probably not.

Maybe he was joking.

Maybe he thought he was being friendly.

Maybe I had my usual serious face on, the one that unintentionally tells the world, Please proceed with caution.

I don’t know.

And that is precisely the point.

He didn’t know either.

He didn’t know what kind of week I had had.

He didn’t know that grief had been particularly heavy.

He didn’t know what I was thinking about while I sat there listening to that podcast.

He didn’t know whether I was tired, grieving, anxious, perfectly fine, or simply sitting quietly in my car waiting for gas.

And that morning, his words happened to land on a tender place.

Sometimes that is how words work.

The sentence itself may seem harmless to the person speaking it, while the person receiving it is hearing those words through everything they have already been carrying.

Why Words Can Hurt Even When No Harm Was Intended

That is the thing about people.

We never really know what somebody else is carrying.

A person can look perfectly fine and still be grieving.

They can show up to work, answer emails, laugh at a joke, run errands, stop for gas, and keep moving through life while carrying something heavy underneath it all.

A careless comment may therefore land very differently from the way it was intended.

And that is why words matter.

Intent matters, yes.

But impact matters too.

Sometimes words hit a place in us that the person speaking them never knew was tender.

Words Can Also Make Someone Feel Seen

The interaction at the gas station reminded me of another encounter I had some months ago.

I ran into someone I know while grocery shopping one morning. We hugged, talked for a few minutes, caught up on life, and went our separate ways.

Later, she sent me a message.

She told me it had been good seeing me, but she also said that I looked as though I was carrying the weight of the world.

The interesting thing is that I hadn’t told her anything was wrong.

I had simply been in my own head that morning, rushing through the store trying to remember what I needed before heading to work.

But she noticed something.

And instead of making an assumption and leaving it there, she reached out.

She told me that if I ever wanted to talk, she was there.

If I wanted to grab coffee, she was there.

Those words felt completely different.

They said:

I see you.

I don’t know what you’re going through, but if you’re going through something, you don’t have to go through it alone.

Two people.

Two observations.

Two completely different ways of using words.

And perhaps that is what stayed with me most.

We Never Know What Someone Is Carrying

Every day, we cross paths with people whose stories we know absolutely nothing about.

The cashier ringing up our groceries.

The person sitting quietly beside us.

The coworker who seems unusually withdrawn.

The woman sitting in her car at the gas station on a Friday morning.

Someone may be grieving.

Someone may be worried about a parent.

Someone may have received terrible news.

Someone may be fighting a private battle.

Someone may simply be tired.

Or maybe nothing is wrong at all.

We don’t know.

That means we have a choice in how we speak.

If we are going to use our words, why not choose words that leave people a little better than we found them?

Say good morning.

Tell someone you hope they have a good day.

Tell them you’re happy to see them.

Ask if they’re okay.

Tell them you’re available if they ever need to talk.

Compliment them.

Encourage them.

And sometimes, when we cannot find something kind or useful to say, perhaps silence really is the better option.

What the Bible Says About the Power of Words

There is a verse in Matthew that says:

“…for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” — Matthew 12:34 (KJV)

That verse carries weight.

Our words do more than fill silence. Sometimes they reveal what is sitting in our hearts.

Kindness comes out.

Compassion comes out.

But impatience, bitterness, and carelessness can come out too.

Maybe that is another reason we should pay attention to how we speak to people.

It isn’t only about choosing the “right” words.

It is also about tending to what is inside of us, because eventually, what is in the heart has a way of finding its way to the mouth.

I try to live with that awareness.

I’m sure there have been moments in my own life when my words have hurt someone. I regret those moments, especially because I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

Choose Your Words Carefully

Words matter.

Tone matters.

Timing matters.

And kindness matters.

We may never know what someone is carrying when our paths cross.

So if our words have the power to add weight or help lift it, I hope we choose to lift.

Because sticks and stones may break bones.

But words?

Words can wound.

Words can heal.

Words can tear down.

And words can build someone back up.

That is the power of words.

Choose yours carefully.